Magic men, Business and Nagini

Right now I am on cloud 9. I am sooooooo relaxed it's my first day off from everything in over a week.  This week has been NON STOP, my phone has been buzzing away like a rampant rabbit in a whore-house with people all wanting something from me and wanting it NOW.  Since I did a photoshoot on Monday it seems everyone suddenly wants a piece of me modelling wise.  My business ventures are taking off big style and everything is suddenly falling into place.  My time for a bit of good luck and positive energy I think :) 

The best thing about duvet days is you just don't have a care.  I have a huge spot on my forehead, a thousand emails to reply to and my nails badly need painting, but I don't care.  I've laid out on the sofa all day watching a couple of box sets and drinking tea.  To be fair I am absolutely shattered, I've had a busy week and was chatting to someone very special until half 6 this morning!! No sleep at all and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open.  Last night was totally worth it though, it was bloody incredible, I had a massive laugh and cleared the air about a lot of stuff :)  ( I bet half my friends who can guess who I'm talking about are rolling theirs eyes right now lol!)    But I digress, duvet days are awesome.  Just chilling out in a hoody and some shorts, ignoring the phone and recharging my batteries.  Bliss

Payday in two days WOOHOO! March is going to be a good month so I need to watch my money and make sure I use it where it matters rather then steaming down to the pub, watching a footy and throwing £100 odd quid at nothing like I usually do.  In 18 days it would have been Baileys birthday, scarily close.  I'm so scared I'm going to be alone that day, I won't be an emotional wreck but I feel like that is a day I need to be distracted, having a laugh, enjoying myself. Not sat alone somewhere thinking too much.  It's what he would have wanted.  

Now lets talk about Jimmy.  There is a little magic man in my life, he is like a best friend, male role model, advisor and spirit guide all rolled into one, and he is amazing.  He's taught me to see the world in a better light.  He lives in a camper van and doesn't give a shit about anything, he is more then happy to live out in nature down in Plymouth and I'd love to be able to live like that but I enjoy Eastenders too much lol.  He is a bit crazy too, he gave a load of wild ponies some redbull and sugar cubes and thought the results were hilarious (trying not to laugh).   You all need some of Jimmy in your life, he is the most positive man I've ever met.   You should all get to know him!

There is one other 'magic man' in my life but I'm not going to blog about him until I'm sure and also I don't want to sit here gushing on about him for hours like a school girl. Plus to write the whole story I'd probably need to do a whole separate post.  It's so bloody annoying, I REALLY wanna write stuff now. FFS.   He did say I never blogged about him though so now I have ;)

Nagini

Been thinking about family and relationships a lot this week.  I'd love to have someone I could take home to meet my dad, he's never met any of my boyfriends and when I talk about guys he gets this angry expression on his face like he's planning to lock me away in a tower until I'm 30.  More importantly I want someone I could be comfortable taking to meet my little sisters.  If my sisters don't like you then you ain't coming in lol.

 Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn't take anyone to meet them girls unless I was 10000% sure about them..  Those girls mean the world to me I think about them literally everyday.  I am going to see them on  Friday.  I'm just going to turn up.  They need me there for them, this past week I've been thinking about how much I would have loved a big brother or sister that I was close to to give me advice and help me and I don't ever want them to think that.  Plus I'm sure I had a Lego Hogwarts to finish building and a snake to play with.  Why my sisters ever decided we all needed a snake I don't know.  He's called Nagini, here is a pic of him.  I nearly died laughing when we took this pic of him (that's a mouse tail hanging out his gob)  and EJ said ' Daddy he looks like smoking a cigarette .   You have to love the old chap, the snake that is. We got him for free and now EJ wants us to get a Boa Constrictor lol.  He is a little shit, always escaping out the tank and having hissy fits ( no pun intended ) 

I'm done for today, take care 

Nimmy xxx

Frankie, Fashion and F******

I am suffering from the worst bout of insomnia ever that added to whats going to be a very hectic week work , family and business wise, I'm going to crash and burn soon!  I really could do with sleeping for 100 years then getting woken up by a handsome prince and living happily ever after in a world where I don't have to run around like a blue ass fly.  

A handsome prince or the pizza'/some other sort of fast food delivery' guy.  I don't care as long as he's proffering a Spicy Meat Feast or some prawn crackers.   I never realised how wrong the name of that pizza sounds.   
Hahaha omg on that note, check out this photo!!   Now that is our kind of pizza guy

This week I am working Wednesday through to Sunday with no idea when my next day off is, I could work ten days straight for all I know.   I am also trying to sort out my part in this promotions business, get to a casting for a 'real' model ,  babysit my sister and niece,  build a flatpack wardrobe  do someone's laundry and ironing all for cash.  I'm going to be rolling in it come March but it's going to flipping drain me of energy this week.  I am also doing my volunteering work, helping run my household,  maintaining my friends website and babysitting my goddaughter for free.  If you can't find me I'll probably be asleep in a pile of betting slips lol.    It will all be worth it though come March as I have some time off work and it's going to be a very difficult month for me.  I need lots of lolly to do THINGS, I don't care what. March is the month of having fun and saying yes to everything! Time to start living a little.  

Ok so lets start with Frankie.  She is my promotions girl 'alter ego'.  I got scouted by an agency my friends works for and they are really pushing me because they think I can make lots of £££.  They make you use a fake name for safety which is where 'Frankie' came from and the next step is to provide a few photos for the brochure.  It's great because the work will fit around my work hours and social life and I can earn anything from £20 handing out leaflets to £200 keeping people in the club or dancing.  It is not at all seedy and they service most of the gays bars down in Brighton.  It's all legit and tasteful and nobody is allowed to touch us no nudity, and no sex services such as lap dances, they want to keep a nice reputation as having pretty, bubbly promotions girls not as a knocking shop lol.    I am really looking forward to it, there are worst ways to spend a evening then flinging vodka round, laughing at drunk people and getting paid for the pleasure.  Plus I could really do with the cash as I am looking to save £2000 to go move away, just want to live the dream and the dream is not in Crawley.  


Aww cats are so cute!

Fashion:  I recently did my first photo shoot in a year and it was amazing.  I am not allowed to say anything about the photos or what I was modelling until they've been officially released though :(  They were high fashion shots which means I more then likely look ugly and edgy rather then pretty but that's fashion for you. I forgot how funny modelling was, when I show the pictures to everyone they probably wouldn't be able to imagine I was sat outside in the cold with a blanket wrapped around my lower half and my arms preserving my modesty on the top half.  Also posing is definitely harder then anyone thinks. Stand up or sit dead straight in your chair, pull your shoulders right down but also try to play down your chest by slightly tucking it in,  clench your teeth to give you a strong jawline, tilt your chin up  about 30 degrees, turn your head slightly to the left AND try to give some sort of emotion away in your eyes... it's not easy is it.  Where I have attention deficit I forget to pose sometimes and get yelled at by photographers  woops!  

I wish when it came to fashion and the clothes they would wear that people would just be original.  Just because everyone else is wearing chinos or a crop top it doesn't mean you should be.  I have a body just like Kim Kardashian and that means if I try to wear high fashion stuff I look ridiculous.  The stuff you see on the highstreet that everyone is wearing is fashionable and designed for boyish figures- the super skinny.  I like to dress for my shape, I wear things made for curves, keep my makeup natural,  and keep my look classic and timeless, with natural eyebrows and a nice normal manicure.  Lots of skin tight dresses with black tights and black courts with a blazer,  high waisted jeans with flats and a tailored coat etc.   

What is this obsession with looking like Ronald McDonald btw?!   You know what I mean the girls strolling around with bright red hair, huge eyebrows drawn on,  and these long pointy acrylic nails that actually look like talons?!  Surely men (and women) must be scared of girls who look like that?! 

Those spiky nails, could have your eye out literally

Quit the red hair girls

Things here are good  my confidence is slowly creeping back, I'm comfortable with my life how it is and I'm starting to enjoy life.  The cloud is lifting.  We just all need to think positive and positive things will happen to us :)  


I've started thinking about other things now and have completely lost my thought train so I am going to duck out now and publish this and hopefully publish another soon!

Love and Junk

I'm all warm and snug in work and what with it having been valentines day I thought I'd blog about the L word. 

I have this hope that there is someone in this world that was just made for me. A perfect match my 'soul mate' if you will. I believe that every person has a soul mate and the universe will bring you together somehow, but its up to you to make it happen. Spirit keeps suggesting one person to me and seems to be trying to gently jostle us together but its making me uncomfortable. 

My twin Tracey keeps telling me to approach things slowly and relax. I can't relax because I like to know where I stand with people. It's a defence mechanism. Like ripping a plaster off quickly. 

Sometimes I worry nobody will love me because let's face it, I'm damaged goods. I belong in the reduced aisle of Tesco rather then the new sparkly shelves. I've been treated like dirt by all my past boyfriends, not one has ever just been nice I've been sexually assaulted, cheated on, physically assaulted and controlled in the past. I'm just going to be open with that. Would it be possible to meet just one cool nice guy who doesn't have a dark side or an ego the size of London.

A Willy the size of London I can cope with but not a ego that size! Lol 

I miss having someone to do stuff with:
 I miss the closeness.
 The doing stuff togethern
 Getting comfortable with each other. 
Planning your future. 
Someone to rely on and take a load off. 
The support. 
The cuddles.
 The kissing. 
The sex . 
Sitting in comfortable silence
 Being in love and all sparkly eyed

 God I'm a lonely old cow! 


I miss laying in bed, watching tv together and chatting about stuff then falling asleep in their arms. I love doing that, like spooning to sleep lol. Then waking up in the morning and cuddling and chatting some more. I love cuddles. Then I will usually order them out of bed to make me a tea or if I'm feeling REALLY nice I jump out of bed and make them and then slide back into bed. I miss that the most. The worst part about being single is rolling around in a huge double bed and drowning in the duvet. The fact I'm quite small probably doesn't help either when it comes to suffocating in bed. 

 I often get referred to as the little/small one by most people. My favourite name is 'The tiny princess'. I get called that by a loads of people, I love it!! I wish I was a Disney princess with a tiger sidekick and a wicked storyline.

I'm looking to move and need to decide where. Work can transfer me anywhere I need so the UK is my oyster. Maybe I can be a bookie in Belfast, a Cashier in Cardiff, a deputy manager in Dublin... I've run out of bookmaking puns. I remember one night me and Tray sat there for hours making up things like 'anal aries and 'virginal Virgo' and all these other dirty puns.  

 I'm really struggling to write today. I suffer mildly with an attention deficit disorder and its making blogging impossible.  

Good night from me, and may you all find your soulmates and have happy loving relationships

 

Nimmy xxx 
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Spirits, babies, March15th and dates

Hey!
Got so much to write about.  

The first is spirits, ghost, ghouls.  

I believe in spirit they just scare the shit out of me.  If I ever actually saw someone or something that wasn't really there I think I'd scream and run like a bat out of hell outta there.  I did once but I was too perplexed to realize it wasn't normal for a good couple of hours after.  I saw a shadow casually strolling down the street with NOTHING there to cast it.  My friend thought I was high until he saw one too.    

But the spirit I wanted to talk about is not bad, rather it's spirit that are making me question things.  My life choices etc.  Every time this week I've gone looking for one thing I'll pull it out, and a crystal will either be underneath it or tumble out from whatever I was trying to find.  I'd lost my faith in crystals and lost them all somewhere and due to the fact I've been finding so many, have been using them religiously these past few days in case they were put there for me.  Do we think divine intervention or coincidence?

I was really upset on Thursday and the most scary thing in the world happened to me.  Only a couple of my CLOSEST confidents know what happened because I was freaked.  I had stepped outside about 11.30pm for a breath of fresh air and I was quite upset from an argument with a friend. I was walking round the block and I got a sudden rush of anger and said 'if spirit is real fucking give me a sign and tell me what to do with my life'.  I sparked up a fag and started making a slow walk up the road away from my house . Suddenly this guy came up behind me and asked me if I'm alright. I said yeah and he was asking me what's wrong and if I'm sure I'm alright and where my house is. I said yeah and then 'oh my mates waiting for me down there' and turned to walk in the opposite direction to.get away from him as alarm bells were ringing as a young female alone in the dead of night.  I glanced behind me as I left and saw him walking up the hill away from me.  

I speed walked away about 5 minutes down.the road,  glanced back and saw him following me down the road!  He was walking very quickly and when I looked back at him he darted into the shadows and I used my phone reflection to see he was back on the path again following me with some speed now. my heart was in my mouth, I SPRINTED home.    Was it just some crazy psycho murderer or was it somebody in the spirit world trying to tell me 'do not go out alone at night you stupid little girl!'  

Plus every cat I go near suddenly turns from a normal pussy with bright lovely eyes, to a scatty thing with possessed eyes.  I shit you not, when I go near most cats their eyes cloud over and get the possessed sheen.  It's hard to explain unless you've seen a cats eyes turn like that lol. I guess all the pro-science people out there are going to say something like 'oh every cat you come into contact with has cataracts (no pun intended)'   

Thats enough about spirit, I'm losing my thought train.

I just thought of my dream date in the summertime.  I'd love to meet a guy, preferably a DJ.  We'd be on a sandy beach drinking rum and cocktails and dancing the night away to dance-hall music that he was playing.  Doing a bit of dutty whining and just generally shaking my thing.  I love to shake it, I dunno why lol.  Then we'd go home and rock those sheets to the limit or maybe the beach.  Maybe dinner first fresh barbecued fish and veg washed down with pure fruit juices then slowly dancing to this song under the stars http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=one+by+on+e+mavado     SIGH.

Ok lets talk about Bailey.  I need to explain how I feel and how it feels to lose a baby.  

He was due on March the 15th and if you are any kind of friend you will support me on that day.  I don't want to have to say 'hey it's my due date today' when everyone asks me whats wrong on that day. a TRUE FRIEND wouldn't even need reminding.  I'm so scared no-one will remember and I'll be dealing with it all on my own.  I'm going to be a mess especially with mothers day on the 10th of March as well.  Cuddles and lots of distractions are on the menu for March I think.  

Please do not EVER tell me me 'it's ok you'll have another baby and forget all about him'.  WILL I FUCK.  If one more insensitive  emotionally defunct wanker tells me that again I will not hesitate to put my fist through their face.  No-one will ever be my Bailey.  He doesn't have a dad, it's just me and he was the love of my life.  

The second I found out I was pregnant I was really REALLY shocked as I'd always been told I'd have trouble conceiving, and I was really young, but despite all of that I suddenly felt all this love for him.  I cancelled my plans for that day and went day dreaming round town looking at baby clothes, I knew even then in my gut that he was a boy.   The only thing I could stomach was Bacon and Mustard sandwiches with gherkins in lol #typicalpregnantwoman and I was desperate to tell everyone my happy news but I didn't want to risk it before three months, I couldn't resist writing a cryptic status though.  

Sometimes I think it's all my fault for putting up that status, tempting fate.   

Sure, yeah there are positives to my miscarriage such as... I can be footloose and fancy free, party all night and day,  not sacrifice free booze just because I'm pregnant,  I can still wear skinny jeans.... Who am I kidding!!!!.  Those things I don't even care about anymore.  There are no positive sides. and I'm worried I'm turning into a crazy lady.  One of my good friends recently gave birth and I am avoiding her because I don't want to see her baby.  I find myself unconsciously glaring at pregnant women and babies.  I just can't stand them anymore.  I used to be the first person to stick my head in someone pram and start cooing over their bundle of joy and now I actually cross the road to avoid buggies, I sit in corners of the restaurant away from children, and I avoid my friends with children like the plague. A baby was grinning at me on the tube yesterday and trying to play peekaboo and much to the disdain of it's mother I hid behind a newspaper. This isn't me! When will it stop?!!   

I keep thinking of the things I will never do and hold him is the one that cuts me deepest.  I'll never know his birth weight, I'll never know if he had hair like mine and dress him up in silly outfits he'll hate me for in 20 years time, I'll never know it feels like to hold him in my arms and trying gently getting him to sleep.  I'll never get to teach him to walk, swim and teach him letters and numbers for school.  Never get to take him to the zoo or a farm or mess around in the park, never get to chase him round the house pretending to be a tickle monster, will never get to read him a bedtime story,  battle to get him to have a bath, or tell him off for not eating the yucky vegetables on his plate.  Never get that proud moment when they're in a school play or win at sports day.  I'll never even get to see what he looks like.  

and that kills you inside.