Dutty Weekender. Allan Schmore.

I look like I'm on drugs. I must do! I can't stop smiling and gazing out the window. Ive only gone and got myself a boyfriend. 

When he came up to me he looked so bloody nervous and he'd got me a Lindt (my fave chocolate) Easter egg. I was tempted to say something like 'I'm lactose intolerant you prick' for a laugh but he looked so nervous I just kept quiet. This is how good this guy is, he knew my fave chocolate without me even telling him. 

We just get on too well. Known each other 3 years and he is definately something special. He even rejected the chance to go out to a family meal, just to talk to me and make sure I was ok on what would have been my babys due date. Nobody else bothered and I'll never forget what he did for me that day. He is stupidly caring too and I don't know how to take it!! 
He's always telling me to get to bed or take some time for myself or to look after myself. He even made sure I drank water to keep hydrated and went out of his way to make me feel safe and loved. Where I've never had it before I loved every second it just makes me feel like I don't know what I'd do if I had that in my life everyday! Probably turn into a spoilt brat.

He treats me like a princess and is always stroking my hair or doing that thing where they tuck your hair behind your ear *melts* full of suprises, but the nice kind lol. Ok thats enough gushing for now lol. 

I brought some bright pink flowery bag with me and he just kept carrying it for me despite the fact it was heavy and he kept getting funny looks from people. What a true gent. I don't think I ever even had to hold a door open for myself or buy myself a drink. He even got up in the middle of the night to get me a glass of water. True chivalry!!!

He is facking fit as feck. Seriously, he does not photograph well. He looks hot in photos but in real life....damn. I keep pinching myself. I do not attract attractive guys but this handsome article must've slipped through the net. And he's mine. All mine. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA lol. I am not gonna lie, I actually patted myself on the back. Looks aren't everything but theyre a welcome bonus. Dat ass... his skins so soft.... he's so manly......and his arms... and he smells gorgeous, he was wearing Calvins and dark jeans too, I love dark jeans!

 

His personality is immense. We've known each other 3 years and we agreed that if it didn't work out romantically we would still be best mates. I've known him for so long I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. We are like carbon copies of each other. We've liked each other for over 3 years and I'm ready to admit, I even wanted him when I was with my ex but we cooled it off during that time. It makes me cringe now looking back to a few months ago when we would be asking each other for advice on other guys and girls and sex things when deep down we both knew who we wanted. Well I did anyway. 

A long time ago we were going to get together but it didn't work out because he chose drugs and partying and I chose alcohol and a rebound relationship. I don't think either of us was ready and we both kept a low profile for a while, until one day we started speaking again and it was like we'd never been apart. We'd both grown up and learnt more about ourselves and it all started back up from there. 

He just makes me laugh. We had a proper dirty weekend featuring a hotel with bogeys on the wall and jizz on the carpet, copious amounts of food and booze and he even carried my heels home for me lol. 

I just love the way he builds my confidence everyday, showering me with love and compliments. He can see just how low I am because he is in the same place. 

He looks at me like I'm the only girl in the world and like he can't believe his luck and he was so nervous. 

Look, straight up. I've been in love with this guy for a couple of years to be honest. Unrequited love and to say we are finally together is the most amazing feeling in the world. We are fighting depression together while trying to overcome difficult childhoods and he just understands. He is so gentle and patient yet puts me in my place when I need scraping off the ceiling. He helped me through my miscarriage in a way nobody else could. We are the same person, literally. Same hairline and everything. Now we are together I'm determined to make this work. I want to build a life with him. I don't know if you believe in fate and soulmates? But we do.

 
I have only two complaints about him. He lives too far away :'( and his willy is too big!!! 

I'm a lucky girl ;) 

Nimsical

I've been asked to do a fashion blog so here it is for little Loz :) 

I just looked through my wardrobe and realised I am very strange in the fashion stakes. I have a very individual sense of style and love flowy dresses in floral prints and am rarely seen out of a pair of superhigh heels. However, all my clothes like jeans and Tshirts are from Primark and H+M but where I spend so much time chilling in my pjs they all designer such as Ted Baker, Donna Karen, Chanel... I even have an Oscar De La Renta nighty somewhere under the piles of clothes in my room. Cray. 

My motto when dressing myself for the public eye is curves, class and curves. My motto for chilling in my pjs is don't brush your hair and just chill :)  

 Ok so my much requested top 5 beauty products:

 NIVEA EXPRESS HYDRATION PRIMER: I have really good skin (watch me break out now!!) So rarely wear foundation or concealer but when I do, I use this underneath as it sticks your makeup on like glue! I usually wear this when I go out raving or to work as my promogirl alterego Frankie and it keeps my makeup looking perfect even when I'm drenched in champagne and sweat.  

 KIKO PLUMPING LIP CREAM. I often get asked if I've had lip injections when I wear this. My lips are all genetics but this product is great it makes your lips so full and kissable due to the huge amounts of collagen in it. It's so expensive but I never leave home without it :) 

 BENEFIT CHACHA TINT. its a mango tinted lip and cheek tint that literally suits everyone. It's so easy to slap on and it lasts all day. I spent a day at a food and drink festival and my lip colour was still going strong after several hours. 

 WATER. I don't know about you but if I don't drink enough water my appearance all goes a bit Pete Tong. 8 glasses a day is essential!! 

MAYBELLINE ROCKET VOLUME MASCARA:  This mascara is the one you've been waiting for, just try it.  When I wear it people think I have falsies on

More fashion ramblings to come in a new separate blog :) 

Oh my days I am so broody! 

I've woken up today and all I can think about is babies, they're everywhere! I just want one sometimes, ok a lot of the time.  

 My best friend is desperate for a baby with her bloke so I'm getting constant updates on her monthly cycle and texts saying things like 'fuck yes, I'm ovulating, time to ride Lee like Seabiscuit' <<<< No really, I genuinely got sent that.  

 Plus a close friend is due any day now with a little boy and an innumerable number of other friends are preggers too. Sigh  

 I really miss having a little baby bump :-/  

 I did love being pregnant lol. I did look all sort of glowy and radiant and I've been told, very sexy. I didn't think guys dug pregnant chicks? 

Anyway, I suppose children is something I've always wanted to happen to me. Everybody always tells me I'll be a good mum and I get on unbelievably well with children. I'm the magic one who can stop a tantrum/crying before it even starts and I've worked in nurseries etc. I just know I'd be great at it!  

 I used to suffer from a hormone deficiency and anemia and have had a miscarriage so there are some worries about fertility but nothing is set in stone. I'm having my blood hormone levels tested again on Tuesday because now they think Im producing too many hormones . The only positive is that the Phlebotomist knows how much I hate needles so always gives me a party ring biscuit afterwards :) but being told 'your fertility may be fucked' is not nice in the slightest. I have a really positive feeling that all will be ok though :)  

 Oh yeah! THREE people with psychic capabilities who have never spoken to each other, told me I will have twins last week. Once is spooky, twice a coincidence?, three times is to hard to ignore lol. Could you imagine me trying to juggle twins in my 6 inch heels? Me neither. If it is true I hope they're not identical, I think identical twins are pretty scary, like dwarves, if a dwarf ever tried to rob my house while I was in it I'd just hand everything over. 

Omg identical twin dwarves..... :O 

No offence to any dwarves or identical twins who may be reading this, I just had a very scary experience with a dwarf when I was a child and since then I've always been wary,  and at school there were these two identical twins who used to speak in unison and fix you with a blank stare, scary stuff.  

Writing this blog has made me realise something. I used to want the lifestyle you know the huge house, sports cars, a job as a career woman somewhere.

But that all changed when I found out I was pregnant, I literally grew up in a split second and realised what I truly want in life . Those with children will know exactly the moment I mean and those without children, trust me, the day you look over at your Mrs and it dawns on you that she's carrying your baby in her belly or as a woman when you look in the mirror for the first time after seeing a positive result on a test you will get that feeling and suddenly realise. 

But all I really want is to go away from everyone, get married and have a nice little house by the sea!

I could never be with someone who didn't like the sea! My uncle has told me to have sex with my new bloke in the sea for some kind of freaky-deakey sexual experience.  I'm down for that but hearing it from your uncle is a little bit awkward! I hope he doesn't ask for a blow by blow account and all the gory details, if the sex on the beach thing happens....

I'm am so frigging nervous about this date I've got coming up.  I've already chosen three outfits and will just chuck on whatever I fancy in the morning but still!  I am so confused! Like do we hug when we say hello or something or do we air kiss or just shake hands?  I don't do this sort of shit.

I've never actually been taken on a date, like a proper date as in taken out for dinner or a night out.  I've been taken out for non-committal drinks before etc, but purrlease I go drinking with my nan, doesn't mean I'm dating her!    Am I supposed to be full on or reserved?  I hate this whole new phase where you're not sure of yourself or what to do, when to touch them or if you can kiss them etc.  I much prefer the comfortable, laying on the sofa with your hands down your pants, picking your nose with greasy hair and no makeup phase.    

I also have the tendenency to be clumsy as sin when I',m nervous.  When I met my brother for the first time I was so nervous I knocked an entire of table of drinks into his lap, and when I was meeting up with an old school friend I was striding confidently through the tube station in my heels only to stack it at the last second and literally fall at her feet.  There is no way of styling that one out, I also giggle like a stupid little school girl...

It's gonna be cray!  

Tata for now

Nimmy xxxx

Work: Vent

I really need a new job! I've finally figured out what I dislike about it so much its not the rude, pervy customers or the low pay. It's the fact I'm locked inside a counter all day!! Trapped in a box with bars in the window!!! 


Here's what its really like being a bookie! 


You walk in for your shift and usually wade in through a mountain of betting slips on the floor or trip over pens on the floor and fall flat on your ass (happened to me too many times). As you walk in you need to grin at the customers. I've got my fake smile down lol. I usually walk in beaming, saying Hi to everyone whilst actually thinking 'someone please get me out of here!!' You look at the floor and you rush behind the counter to try and deflect the gaze of several eyes on your ass and lock yourself into the cell, Sorry 'counter' and log into your till. 

Then its usually dead so you sit there drinking a cuppa, gassing with your manager and spinning around in your chair tapping your fingers. Then the customers descend upon you, like a plauge of horny locusts. And they all want your attention at once!!!

Seriously, do I look like an octopus? Can I really take 7 bets at once, listen about your kidney stones and make you a cuppa tea? NO. Some punters are nice and I'll go and sit out in the shop with them for a chat but most are just grim! 



You get the pervs and the drunkards who practicality jizz their pants every time a female comes into a shop and the plain rude people. The creeps who come up the counter and say things like 'Looking lovely as ever darling.  You just look radiant'. *cringe*   Some really rude bastards go in the bookies. My fave one is when they say 'oh I'm gonna kill you you've stolen my money I'll wait outside for you' yet when I skip out the shop at 10pm they're nowhere to be seen!

Some of my managers are scardey cats too. I'm talking fully grown men sitting there asking me, a tiny 5'5 teenager, to go out and calm these idiots who are hitting the machines and kicking off. I'm probably as authoritative and scary as a basket of kittens and newborn babies. 

I had a customer today start crying all over the counter because I wouldn't lend him money to bet. Then when he could see I wasn't budging he started following me round begging me to lend him cash. I was getting royally pissed off with him, there's only so many times you can politely ask someone to back the fuck off. A customer started squaring up to him telling him to get a grip and he scuttled off. It's not my bloody fault you're a gambling addict mate!! Ive seen people blow thousands in minutes. Their whole months wages gone on a 15 minute game of roulette. Makes me really uncomfortable! It's a bit girly of me but I get annoyed if I lose a pound let alone a months wages!!! 

Then you get the people who pass out drunk, wank in the shop (yes you did just read that), shoot up in the toilets and the ones who just start arguments for no reason!! A great example is the other day and some random bloke butted into my conversation and told me I pronounce Jamie wrong. Why would you even care how I said it? Get a life geez. 

He didn't like it when I turned round, smiled sweetly and said ' my dads called Jamie, my granddad is called Jamie, my best friend is called Jaime  my cousin is called Little Jamie, and for the first two days of my life I was actually called Jamie Jr (my mum came to her senses thankfully) . So I believe I'm perfectly fucking qualified to know how its pronounced!' He didn't like that one bit ;) 

The funniest thing I've seen this week was a drunk guy playing the machine and his money wouldn't go in and he started shouting 'your machines won't take my money, is it because I'm ginger?!' 

So anyway, the customers gradually leave and then you sit there for hours in mind numbing- spirit crushing boredom. Sound fun? It isn't.

Although I do love it when the football lads come in to see me and put their bets on. Nothing spices up a Saturday shift like a rowsing chorus of 'WOODS-G LOVES IT UP THE ARSE, WOODS-G LOVES IT IN THE EAR' etc etc lol.  Also the other cool customers make it nice, the ones who bring you chocolate and I have one customer who like sings with me to songs and when the managers out we blast the radio and have a singalong but I see him once in a blue moon.  My job is 90% shit and 10% ok, seriously.  I might train to be an astronaut or something 

FUCK YOU WORK.  

I never want to go back!  :'(

Help! I'm turning into a girl!

Women eh! I'm concerned for myself to be honest I'm acting all strange. I'm going on nights out with women, talking about my boobs and fashion sense openly with other chicks and been a bit hormonal.

I think I'm turning into a GIRL!!!!!!

I think this is the end of my ladette/football hooligan era and the start of a new girly one filled with glitter and stickers and Ponies. 

As a rule I do not tend to get on with girls. Just struggle to gel with them and make conversation, Im more of a boys girl because I find most women a bit bitchy and men are just more upfront. But I tell you what since I met two people my life has changed. Loz who I bogged about previously is self explanatory but my friend Holly is amazing! We actually bonded over our mutual dislike of bitchy women and then our mutual love of burning our way through a pack of fags and having a chat. It was weird being out with a girl last night, hugging, drinking wine, having dirty conversations, giving each other advice etc. Not gonna lie I'm not used to it but it was lovely all the same! 

I had such a nice time with her. 



Of course the subject of babies came up! Women always either talk about babies or men. Was nice to confide in someone about feeling broody and chat about hopes and dreams and stuff. I'm naturally a broody person and children seem to love me! I'm always that person in the corner at family gatherings surrounded by all the children and I love it! I think its funny how scared men get when a girl mentions they're broody, like it means we're going to suddenly tie them down and steal their sperm! Like I'm broody, have been since I was 15 but I'm not gonna try for a baby you know. I have common sense!!

 Babies are fantastic though and I'm lucky enough to be involved in a few babies lives. Im dreading if I ever have children and ending up one of those loveless couples that can barely even look at each other and are clearly just together for the kids. If I'm lucky enough to have children I want to be in a happy loving relationship so they see a healthy relationship because I grew up in a very broken family. But seeing as I'm nowhere near having one of my own yet, my little dude (godson) will keep me busy I'm sure! :) 

Talking of relationships is it naive of me to want a fairytale romance ? I want a handsome prince to come charging into the bookies on a white horse, fling me onto the back of it and then gallop off to a tropical island where we lie on the beach drinking WooWoos all day. 

Not really, I just want the fairytale in the sense of actually finding me one true love and being happy together forever. A relationship where I am his princess and not in a chavvy 'yuh r my princess bby' way. I'm talking about literally being the most important girl in his castle, treated like a princess and in return I would act like one.  

 I will write a blog later on about jailbreaking an iPhone and how to do it xxxx  

 Right, im going to love you and leave ya.

 I need to de-hangover myself because I'm going to Tunbridge Wells today for lunch and shopping with my mummy. 

Will be nice to spend some quality time together. 

 Peace, love and kisses 

Nimmy xxxx 

Crazy shit

Alright?

Last night was one of the most crazy experiences I've ever had on a spiritual level.  If you do not believe in Spiritualism or are about to go into a pro-science rant please bugger off.  I am in no mood for it, I have found out so much stuff about myself spiritually in the past two days and my head is swimming. 


 Any little signs I had before have turned into big great wacks in the face, energy that was a light buzz now takes over my whole body and I can feel other peoples emotions whom I'm connected to spiritually.  Make sense? Probably not.   Here's an example to display it to you clearly.  My house, a lot of feeling that something is there has now turned into corner of the eye stuff and something stroking my hair as I fell asleep last night.  I was on the phone to somebody I hold dear to me with whom I share a great spiritual connection and as I was laying there I realised I was feeling feelings that weren't mine.  The scariest part was when he got scared by something and my blood ran cold, I was petrified  my breathing changed and I was terrified too.  It was horrible because I was sat in my light  bright room surrounded by crystals and a soft energy YET I could feel what was going on in his room.  It's nice feeling others emotions when they're elated but the bad feelings are grim.  Ok so half of you are probably like 'damn, she knows' and the other half are probably on the phone to the men with white jackets.  



So Oracle cards.  I'm fed up of explaining that Oracle cards are NOT Tarot cards.  Here is a brief description of the difference:  http://kaerwynskorner.blogspot.co.uk/2010/01/tarot-cards-oracle-cards.html

So I have 5 decks of cards.  I only use one.  The others just don't feel right and this particular deck just makes me feel great.  It is important that you sort of connect with your deck. Usually when I use these cards I get feelings and tingles etc to guide me through my readings like a light dusting of energy.  Last night I was reading for someone and instead of gentle energy I was being almost beaten up by it.  Instead of the usual feeling to stop I was getting electric jolts up my spine, my tummy felt all tingly and I could almost feel bright gold light shining round me.  I felt so much good energy it was a bit cray cray (lol)  I actually felt euphoric as I was giving the reading, like I was a higher entity looking down flooding the room with light.  Ok I must sound either crazy or high to non-believers .  The answers coming were incredible, in chronological order as though telling a story and the cards decided to show me up and reveal some of my very personal thoughts and feelings about that person.  The Definitely Yes card kept flying out the pack along with Love and Trust in your own Feelings.  These cards rarely come out when I do readings normally.  It was mental, I can't even describe it.  I felt like I was floating on a Tempur mattress on the sea or something.



This Spiritualism/awakening lark is terrifying me.  I jump every time I hear a noise or see something.

Even though I'm all spiritually awakening etc now, it doesn't stop me being in a bad mood lol. I'm furious because the bar I go to has just changed it's policy to 21's and overs!!!!!!!!!! BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE THE HELL am I supposed to play beer pong/drunk Olympics dress up as super mario/hang out with Crawley Town footballers now?!  

I'm fed up of asking and trying and asking again just to either have it ignored or swept under the carpet or given another empty promise.  I don't know many times I have to explain it it just doesn't seem to be sinking in, then I get had a go at for giving up.  It's just messing with my head? Like wtf?!  I don't know what's wrong with me or what I'm quite obviously doing wrong?  I ask and then get fobbed off with a half arsed explanation.  It's starting to properly hurt my feelings. 

Anyway just a quick one, I needed to write!

Bathtime :)

Nimmy xxx

One for the girly girls

Oh god damn I can't stand noisy eaters.
It turns my stomach. Right now I'm getting pretty bloody narky because not only is my mums boyfriend chatting to me while I'm trying to blog and watch tv, meaning I can't concentrate. But he is literally chomping on cold Chinese and gulping tea and the sound is deafening and making me feel queasy!!! If I can hear someone eating I instantly lose my appetite. It's weird is anyone else like this? 



Oh yeah that's what I wanted to write about. I'm so confused and don't know how I'm going to get through the next two weeks :( I don't have anything to look forward to or positive to spur me through it and I feel like I'm so alone. 
To be honest I feel like going on a week long bender. Waking up, drinking, going out drinking, pass out and do it over and over again. I just want to feel blissfully happy and forget my troubles. A bender seems like the only solution. 


Positive body image:
It's so important to have a positive image of your body especially being a woman. Men too have body hangups but its us women who scrutinize ourselves the most. Everytime I do anything with my girls we always end up staring in the mirror prodding and poking ourselves and saying 'oh I wish I could change this'.  So me and Loz came up with this to help those who have low selfesteem

The key is aspiring to other women with your body shape NOT an entirely different body shape. For example there is no reason for me to be trying to get a body like Keira Knightley when I'm built like Kim Kardashian. Then when you've found your body shape you need to find the heaviest and smallest you'd want to be. My heaviest would probs be Kim Kardashian and my smallest probably Lucy Mecklenburgh as she is tiny but a perfect example of my waist to hips ratio. 

Do the same for your body shape and stick to them goals and you'll be happy :) and just learn to love yourself. You only have one body so enjoy it while you can. Don't spend your life on a diet when you can just eat well excersice and enjoy it. 

Oh my days!! Just been viewing houses with my bestie. Her fella is loaded at the age of 20 and they're buying a place. The house has 4 bedrooms and until they have children she's allowed to use one of them as a dressing room. I'm so jealous!!! Her dressing room is huge ffs and she has a walk in wardrobe with mood lighting *sigh* . I'm so happy for her and Tom though! They are a lovely couple. Proper fairytale romance. Met on holiday. A MONTH later he decided she was a keeper and decided to up sticks from London and move up here to be with her and they've been happy ever since. Noone deserves to be happy as much as Loz :) xxx shotgun being chief bridesmaid at the wedding!!

I'd love a house with my own 'princess room' where I could get dressed and do all my hair, beauty treatments and nails on other people in there. No boys or noisy eating allowed ;) lol. Talking of beauty treatments I did two manicures this after noon and made £20. Money for old rope really but I do love doing beauty therapy. I need to go to night school and do a advanced beauty therapy course I think. I just love it, I'd love to have my own salon one day! Like a proper one in a shop not just a corner of my bedroom lol

Oh ffs my mums boyfriend!! My mate just broke down on my doorstep because over him cheating on his gf and my mums bf stormed in and shouted 'for gods sake MAN UP!!! YOU GAYLORD' not realising it was serious. My mate jumped about 10ft in the air loool. In stitches.

 

Do men prefer short or long hair? I'm thinking of chopping mine off not major short but sort of long short if that makes sense? Loz reckons I should. so does my mum. Ahhh!!! 

Anyway thats enough bollocks for one day aha

Nimmy xxx 

An angel

Just had the most intense emotional experience of my life. I feel so bizarre now and I just needed to blog and get down in words how I feel. 

I am working with a lady today who is fantastic. She's not had an easy life and we both used to work for Corals with the same manager so we get on like a house on fire. She's always on hand with advice, sweets and films. 


So here's what just happened:

I was crying in the staff bathroom over something. I was really, really upset and had been fighting back tears and just needed to let them out. She come and got me, wiped my tears away and told me to reapply my makeup. When I got out the bathroom we sat and chatted about who and what was bothering me.

suddenly she told me to stand up and turn round and pressed my phone into my hand. 'Don't look back. Take your phone, walk straight into the safe haven and bolt the door' confused I looked at her, she repeated herself and said she had seen a guy outside putting a balaclava on and heading towards the shop door. My heart was in my mouth and I froze and she forcefully pushed me into the safehaven and shut the door, went back to her chair and sat there cooly like nothing was happening. 

Time was going so slow, my heart was pounding and I was so worried about her. Why hadn't she come into the safehaven with me?! Is she ok? Were we about to get robbed?!

There have been several violent robberies in betting shops in my area including one where a colleague of mine was pistol whipped in the face and had to have reconstructive surgery on his jaw. 

About ten minutes later she told me it was safe to come out and we were both shaking. She told me how she stared him right in the eyes as he was about to open the door and he got spooked and ran off. She essentially could have just saved our lives. 

It was the most selfless act I've ever seen commited. All she cared about was getting me to safety and protecting me when she didn't even know what was coming through that door. Anything could have happened. I've never been so touched. She literally didn't think of herself for a split second. 

People always say 'oh I'd do anything for you' but she literally put herself on a line for me. Who else can truly say they have done that? 


I thanked her and she said 'its just what you do. I would be much happier in the knowledge that you are safe. So that THEN I could go and kick 7 shades of shit out of him'.

Feel so loved and cared for and I will always be grateful x

She is fantastic, 

three cheers for Wendy

Nimmy

Oh hey. I am wrapped up very warm in my big duvet wearing a stripey *cough* onesie. It's not mine its my little sisters so its a bit tight and won't fasten up over my boobs so I look like a bit of a twat but it is cosy. 

Boobs Haha, that's probably my favourite word for them. I can't stand the word 'knockers' 'puppies' or 'tittys'. They're either boobs, tits or tata's. The word boobies makes me cringe too lol. It makes me think of a clown chasing me round the house and jumping out of wardrobes shouting 'BOOOOOBIES' . Would that not just shit you up? 

 I'm having a party next weekend and anyone who reads this is welcome to come along :) to celebrate my 1 stone weight loss, me getting some confidence back and just celebrate being happy. Really need to make like Rapunzel and let down my hair. Was thinking of going to a Dancehall night, some rum and redbull and dutty whining and grinding. My mate Chris is a DJ and up until about a year ago we used to go to all of his nights or he'd DJ a houseparty for us like every weekend. Come to thing of it no wonder my back is fooked from all the dancing with my 'gyaldem'. 

Seriously London is cool. Usually arrive and go shopping or for dinner, back to listen to some tunes and pass round a spliff or two to get us into the music, then we start drinking. I usually drink 'Russian style' while I get ready. A large glass of iced vodka straight with a sip of fresh fruit juice every so often. Then we go out and I usually dance with my girl Lou. She is half cast and has a butt bigger then London. She also hates men so it always turns into a quality girls night out :) I'd love to bring a boyfriend along one day and spend all night dancing together, then home for drinks and to do some private 'dancing' lol. 

But partying will have to be on hold for a while as I have a casting for a wedding dress company coming up. I am seriously excited. If I get this it will be amazing, get to travel and see new places etc. I got offered a contract as a Legal Secretary in Dubai a few months ago but I didn't accept it. Too far away and I would only get myself arrested out there lol. Plus I can't stand working as a Legal Sec. 

 Ahh I have that thing where your bed feels really nice on your skin so you start rolling around in it so it feels nice on your skin. I've just taken a painkiller for my back and I feel like I'm made out of boiling hot marshmallows. Like a Flump that's been left on a radiator.

 Quiet night in for me tonight, in one of those moods where you want to Google stuff all night long. My head is really mixed up atm, I feel like writing everything down but I can't. 

Gonna get some paella and hibernate In here. 

 Laters 

 Nimmy xxx 

I'm probably going to regret this

I  wondered how long it would be until I wrote this blog. I gave myself a month, I lasted a week lol. 

I need to blog because I struggle to convey my thoughts and feelings by text or in person but when I blog its so easy to write what I actually mean! 

Seriously me and this guy, (we'll call him * in this blog) get on so well. We just seem to get each other. We laugh all the time and when we talk its never ending lol, he's a massive motormouth who likes to shout a lot. But then again so am I ;) literally, its impossible to describe how well we get along. Also he really reminds me of Chris from Skins (who I totally had a crush on) in his personality and attitude towards life etc.  He's also been described as an English Stiffler which is pretty accurate lol 

We've both been through a lot of shit, and been in the same shit more then a few times so its lovey to have someone to talk to on a deep personal level because I don't open up to people much. We have too much in common. It's one of them. I'm really struggling to write, I feel so shy! I'm not good at romantic gestures or talking about my feelings and it makes me do random things lol. 

People either love or hate him. Half my friends think he's hilarious, genuine, caring and sweet and start practically jizzing their pants at the prospect of him being in my life. The other half think he's a rude, disrespectful, oikish player who will fuck me around and roll their eyes and sigh at me whenever he comes up in conversation. Haha me and him were talking about becoming gf and bf and when I told my friend she started screaming and literally rugby tackled me onto the sofa out of excitement while my other friend sat there shaking her head. Me and * have a mutual friend who said to me a while back 'don't trust him everything he says is bullshit' but I don't believe him.

 All I want is to be happy, I just wish other people could be happy for me. He genuinely does make me happy. When I see his name come up or talk to him I feel properly happy and I haven't felt that way in years! I feel like I just wanna be with him, like just chilling out all the time and just being myself. It's nice to have someone who loves my personality and allows me to be myself, infact he encourages it. I just have that 'wish he was here' feeling all the time. He mentioned something about meeting up on Tuesday and I REALLY hope it goes ahead as it will be amazing and put lots of confusion to bed. I'm just worried he will get bored of a short, fat, boring thing like me and move on :s I'm properly scared of feeling like this because I don't do mushy-thinking about him all day kinda stuff. I'm usually good at my poker face wtf is happening to me lol

I'm gonna be straight up here. I wish I was more ballsy because I;d ask him out like right now.  I don't really even care about the distance either.  It's driving me insane! Really kicking myself for being so shy and worried about everything, I know what I want I just dunno how to get it.  It all depends on what happens with this meeting up thing tbh.

The mixture of feelings is really intense because we've known each other two years, I've always had a soft spot for him and that's got me into lots of trouble in the past! When we first met we both fancied the pants off each other then it sort of tailed off and I got into another relationship and he stayed single, my relationship ended and me and * both went on to start seeing other people. Then a few months ago we started getting close again and now we are close as anything! Sometimes I feel like I'm an idiot for feeling how I do about him so soon but then I remember I've actually known him years and it makes me feel better for feeling like I...

Na I can't say it... 

Damn.

Anyways... just a quick one. I needed to write some of that down and get it out there I suppose.