I wondered how long it would be until I wrote this blog. I gave myself a month, I lasted a week lol.
I need to blog because I struggle to convey my thoughts and feelings by text or in person but when I blog its so easy to write what I actually mean!
Seriously me and this guy, (we'll call him * in this blog) get on so well. We just seem to get each other. We laugh all the time and when we talk its never ending lol, he's a massive motormouth who likes to shout a lot. But then again so am I ;) literally, its impossible to describe how well we get along. Also he really reminds me of Chris from Skins (who I totally had a crush on) in his personality and attitude towards life etc. He's also been described as an English Stiffler which is pretty accurate lol
We've both been through a lot of shit, and been in the same shit more then a few times so its lovey to have someone to talk to on a deep personal level because I don't open up to people much. We have too much in common. It's one of them. I'm really struggling to write, I feel so shy! I'm not good at romantic gestures or talking about my feelings and it makes me do random things lol.
People either love or hate him. Half my friends think he's hilarious, genuine, caring and sweet and start practically jizzing their pants at the prospect of him being in my life. The other half think he's a rude, disrespectful, oikish player who will fuck me around and roll their eyes and sigh at me whenever he comes up in conversation. Haha me and him were talking about becoming gf and bf and when I told my friend she started screaming and literally rugby tackled me onto the sofa out of excitement while my other friend sat there shaking her head. Me and * have a mutual friend who said to me a while back 'don't trust him everything he says is bullshit' but I don't believe him.
All I want is to be happy, I just wish other people could be happy for me. He genuinely does make me happy. When I see his name come up or talk to him I feel properly happy and I haven't felt that way in years! I feel like I just wanna be with him, like just chilling out all the time and just being myself. It's nice to have someone who loves my personality and allows me to be myself, infact he encourages it. I just have that 'wish he was here' feeling all the time. He mentioned something about meeting up on Tuesday and I REALLY hope it goes ahead as it will be amazing and put lots of confusion to bed. I'm just worried he will get bored of a short, fat, boring thing like me and move on :s I'm properly scared of feeling like this because I don't do mushy-thinking about him all day kinda stuff. I'm usually good at my poker face wtf is happening to me lol
I'm gonna be straight up here. I wish I was more ballsy because I;d ask him out like right now. I don't really even care about the distance either. It's driving me insane! Really kicking myself for being so shy and worried about everything, I know what I want I just dunno how to get it. It all depends on what happens with this meeting up thing tbh.
The mixture of feelings is really intense because we've known each other two years, I've always had a soft spot for him and that's got me into lots of trouble in the past! When we first met we both fancied the pants off each other then it sort of tailed off and I got into another relationship and he stayed single, my relationship ended and me and * both went on to start seeing other people. Then a few months ago we started getting close again and now we are close as anything! Sometimes I feel like I'm an idiot for feeling how I do about him so soon but then I remember I've actually known him years and it makes me feel better for feeling like I...
Na I can't say it...
Damn.
Anyways... just a quick one. I needed to write some of that down and get it out there I suppose.
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